I have never had to leave my home to study another language in a new country. Because of this, I cannot know exactly what you are experiencing. I do not know the loneliness, the frustration, and discouragement most of you face every day. However, my imagination, as well as my dealings with actual ESL students, most of whom have left the familiarity of their homeland, tell me that you are, indeed, experiencing a great deal of stress and unhappiness that you do not express to others.
You have already done something that took immense courage: leaving your familiar home to study here in the U.S. Many of you are here alone, without any family members to comfort or support you. I know that most of you live with a host family; sometimes these people are relatives. Unfortunately, even if they are relatives, you do not know them well or at all. Others of you reside with strangers who, hopefully, speak your language. Even so, it can be uncomfortable. You do not feel “at home.” It is awkward sharing a living space with people with whom you are not acquainted. You are not sure what kind of behavior is acceptable or proper. They have probably explained the house rules, but there are still many things about which you are not sure. There are “unwritten” expectations or taboos. Not wanting to overstep an invisible line, you stay in your room most of the time. Maybe they have invited you to use the television, but you still don’t know when that is okay. What if you are watching a movie when they want to use the TV? How would you know? You try not to go into the kitchen if they are there. Maybe they want to use the stove at the same time you are cooking something. You don’t want to bother them. Perhaps they are getting tired of you and wish you were not there. That is a terrible worry. In addition to this, you might feel they are watching your every move, judging you or disapproving of you. Sometimes they give you advice you don’t want or ask questions that are not their business. One female student even told me that the lady from whom she rents a room invades her privacy. The woman enters the student’s room to make sure she is keeping it clean. The student feels very upset about this.
Going shopping is a huge ordeal, too. The items you need do not have the same names and packaging as they did in your country. You cannot understand the writing and directions on the boxes, cans, and bags. Not only do you have to deal with locating the items you need, but you may also have to communicate with the store merchants. You are afraid to ask anyone anything, so you do your best all on your own. It is even harder if you do not have a car. That means you can only buy what you can carry in one trip. As a result, you have to return more often to the stores, which is exactly what you do not want to do. What’s more, you have to figure out the bus schedule to take you to and from the shops. You discover that the buses do not run as often as is convenient for your schedule. Plus, you are used to a more modern public transportation system. Once you find the correct bus, your feelings are hurt by people who are not willing to help you or by their lack of understanding due to your accent or insufficient vocabulary. You need kindness, but you encounter so much impatience and intolerance. What used to be an easy and even enjoyable shopping trip at home has now become a dreaded task.
When you left your country, you had a compass in your hand—maybe not an actual compass—that told you where you were going. You had the plane ticket and a map. You had made plans. You had hopes, and you were both scared and excited. Then, when you arrived here, the points of that compass began to spin in all directions. Where should you go next? What should you do now? So little of the reality matched your expectations. Your direction became unclear. Yes, you knew how to physically get to the college where you would be studying, for example, but what were you supposed to do when you got there? You looked for friendly faces in the crowd. Very few people smiled; they were all too busy with their own lives. You desperately wished someone would come along and be your personal assistant, leading you to to the correct place at the correct time. Sadly, that person does not exist. You wanted to go home. You may still desire to go home.
Not every ESL student will have all of these issues. Certainly, though, some of these situations sound familiar. I encourage you to read my other blog posts that discuss holding on to hope, finding a safe place, and persevering. Really, these are things you will have to do to survive. The ESL students I work with all face many challenges—the ones I mentioned and so many more. However, I want to tell you that they do find friends and begin to enjoy their new life. The homesickness does not go away, but it fades. Life gets easier. The compass needles stop spinning so fast.